So maybe by reading this you can relate to the process I am going through or if you have gone through a similar thing you can share it with me. I also decided to document this process because one of the biggest things I have learned these last few days is that it helps to share and talk to people. You then realise that you are not alone and you get the best advice from places you never expected.
In order to do soul searching we should probably start at the beginning and work our way up. When I was young for some reason I was hiding away from the world. I used to play on my own and not really take part in sport or school events. It was only in the last two years of high school when I actually started opening up and it was a wonderful experience. One of the things I did when I was on school was drama, it was amazing because for the hour or so that you are on stage you are a different person.
It starts off with you being extremely nervous to go on stage in the first place and the anticipation is nerve wrecking. Then you go out and the adrenalin rush is wonderful because you transform into someone else. You feel that person’s emotions and you transpose it on to others. The energy in the room is breath taking and for that moment in time it feels like you can fly, and that nothing in life is impossible. It is a sense of freedom that you cannot imagine or explain, almost as if you are jumping out of a plane. Afterwards when you are done you have this immense relieve because everything is over and it was a success.
Growing up I had a loving family, we all were and are still very close. But love does not really pay the bills and at some stage it was tough growing up because you had to make peace with the fact that you cannot have it all and you cannot have what others have. Coming from such difficult circumstances I decided that that is not the life I want for myself and I am going to work hard to have enough to life comfortably. With that being said to have a dream of becoming a famous actor or performer does not really fit in the picture as that would be something beyond your control. So I decided let’s take the sensible root and become an auditor.
At that stage it was a decision that made the most sense because my parents could not look after me while I pursue a career in acting or performing. I stuck to my decision and I finished studying and I got a fairly decent job and I can afford most things. I was not rich but I had enough to live fairly comfortably.
But the human brain is a strange thing because no matter how deep you try and hide a part of yourself one day that part is going to resurface and then you need to deal with it. So here I am now this wannabe actor who wants his time in the lime light; what now? You cannot pack up your entire life and get on a plane to a different country and pursue a career which you have no control over. You would waste all the time and effort you’ve put in to become who you are today. You would have to give up the level of comfort that you are used to and start all over again and the problem is if you fail you would have to start over again for the second time.
What do you do? Have you ever heard that expression that “Rome was not built in one day”? Well it is true. Start off with small changes, go to an agency and get acting classes and see if you have the talent or not because it is one thing to have a dream and another to have the talent to make a success thereof.
Then take part in competitions and I am sure if it was meant to be you will get a break somewhere and you will make a success of it because you are meant to succeed and you are meant to be happy and to have it all. If you were not meant to be happy on earth then it would not be life it would be hell. Just remember one thing: You cannot win the lotto if you do not buy a ticket. So if you want something badly, and by saying something I do not mean someone, then you need to take that leap of faith and you need to put an action plan in place in order to make it happen. We have all been truly blessed to be able to experience life, you just need to let go of your worldly desires and focus on what makes you happy and give it to yourself. What you own and who you are with will not give you happiness. I have come to a point in my life where it doesn’t matter what I drive or where I stay, as long as I do not have excessive debt and I have fulfilment in life then I am happy.
I hope you have a blessed and lovely day and that happiness will overcome you.
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