I have been struggling lately to understand the reasoning behind some people’s actions. I find myself in a position where my brother cannot give me a hug to great me but a dear friend of mine - who is straight and whose believes makes being gay a sin- is able to hug me and make me feel like family. Another straight guy who is a friend of one of my friends is so comfortable with his sexuality that he kisses me when he greats me.
A greeting is not a sexual gesture; it is an act of love and caring. Why is it so difficult for some to show affection but for others it comes naturally. I know that my family loves me but I sometimes feel that they are so afraid of what other people may think when they greet me that they are unable to show affection.
One of the things I love the most about being gay is the gay people’s ability to show affection towards others. Affection a person can only show once they have been discriminated against; and when you know what it feels like to have someone treat you with an act of hate.
By saying this I do not imply that straight people are unable of showing affection because I have some amasing people in my life – who are straight – that’s able to show so much love and affection that you can feel connected like family. I am one of the fortunate ones; I know that I have a family that loves me dearly, even though they are not always able to show it.
How wonderful this world will be if we can show each other love, affection and respect.
Human Nature:
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are saying about your brother. But, maybe, ignore his apparent or perceived inhibition and just hug the dude. Maybe he is waiting for you? Find out; try once or try twice. And, then continue to try so that he never, ever in the small hours of the night or morning, doubts your love for him.
You already know that a hug is not a pat, pat on his back. It is a hold-tight. . . . . Let me know.
Hugs aren't universally used as a geniune expression of affection either. When I think about the different greeting forms in the different settings I find myself (which are quite varied) - I think the greeting form has got more to do with social convention. For example there are acquaintances that I see maybe once a year where a hug feels perfectly natural, whereas with my female housemate it would just be weird if we were to hug every day (even though we are quite close). Generally the convention with the Afrikaans male family is nothing more than a firm handshake ...
ReplyDeleteIt would be a shame indeed if you let you these arbitrary social conventions negatively influence your perception of your relationships.